So I promised to tell you about How are babies are not our own.  Well, let me see if I can explain this the way I received it…

A mentor of mine once said to me “your children come through you, but they are not you.”  This was a concept that I had not heard before.  This was a truly a much different message than what I had been given through the world I existed in day in and day out.  When she said this I thought, “but aren’t they a reflection of me?”.  This is what my world had taught me, and I was a good learner!  I thought everything they do, say, or think speaks to my parenting.  This was becoming a burden to me, because I couldn’t figure out how to make my 2 extremely active boys to behave!!  It was maddening to me, and I was getting increasingly frustrated with my kids.  So when I heard this statement, I felt freed.  It was really automatic for me.  “They are not me.”  I breathed a big sigh of relief, and completely believed.  Then another breath- “they are not me.”

So I began changing how I looked at each meltdown, each “that’s not fair”, each string of unkind words to each other, each run through the grocery store aisle, each broken kitty water bowl (yes, there have been many!), and each “you’re a mean mommy”.  While I do believe that some of these things require consequences, for the most part the consequences are natural.  I began to disconnect from the personal nature of these outbursts and mistakes, and only saw them as expressing something or dealing with an internal challenge.  What began to occur was a shift in how I allowed them to be their own person, less of “my babies”.  I realized if they are always “my babies” then they will have the expectations and perspectives for their life through my eyes.  And I have found out time and time again, I can only see a very limited way in front of me.  If instead they learn their own views, their own perspectives; then they realize their own dreams.  And truly, isn’t this what we all wanted when we were kids.  Parents to love and care for us, but parents who supported and encouraged who we could be!

So I offer you the option of letting your “babies” go today in a mental way, realize they are not you, and they are not after you personally- this is not guerilla warfare.  Try fostering something they come up with, or just observing how they have grown.  And if you are childless, (you may not have read this one. haha) then look at your “babies” and see where you can give them wings!