I recently visited my sister who is a stay at home mom to 4 children ranging in age from 8 years to 22 months. She also is the homeschool teacher to the 3 oldest children, and volunteers as the musical director of the high school chorus department of their local church school. She is very dedicated to the art of being a mother, and she is a beautiful spirit.
The goal for my visit was to complete a training in Street Yoga in Washington D.C., and work in some time for myself and my 2 kids to enjoy my sister and her family. So during the day I went off on the Metro to D.C. to attend my training, and she and her husband played and entertained my boys, and then picked me back up at the Metro Station in the evenings. It was a fabulous long weekend that fulfilled all my desires and more!
As you might know about me by now, I love to observe the world around me, and one of my observations was that my sister could gather all 6 children (hers and mine) to the dinner table at one time, and they actually ate stuff that she fixed… without complaining! It was miraculous to me, as typically my children are very specific about what they eat; and it usually must be completely plain, devoid of all accoutrements. So the most amazing part of the weekend was when my sister made a lovely chicken pot pie for everyone, and my kids lapped it up and even asked for seconds. I didn’t say anything that night, but I was secretly excited that I had a new dish to create that my kids would love, and I would feel like I was making them something special.
Well, we returned home from our quick trip feeling loved and pleased to have spent time with their family; with the added benefit to me of having a new yoga training to explore. A week went by, and I decided to make this glorious chicken pot pie. It was perfect timing- I had leftover plain roast chicken, fresh potatoes, fresh carrots, and homemade chicken broth in the freezer. I purchased some lovely pre-made refrigerated pie crusts to finish the dish off. I selected a Sunday night so we would have the 1 hour and some odd minutes to bake the whole thing…. And Voila! I made a beautiful, mostly from scratch chicken pot pie!!! And the immediate response from my youngest child was “I don’t want chicken pot pie”. This response was also accompanied by a crying fit where he wailed the words to me, and threw himself to the floor of his room to lament the food I had created for his eating enjoyment.
Meanwhile my oldest son wolfed down 2 large chunks of pot pie, and wanted to demolish the rest. So I briefly patted myself on the back for my success. I then texted a friend my frustration of the crying fit over a flipping pot pie, and was pointedly given this response “I don’t want chicken pot pie means ‘I Love You’ …or something like that!” I was stopped in my tracks. My friend was doing what he does best, not encouraging my pity party about a “failed” attempt at pleasing my children in some way. And I was stopped long enough to observe that my little one’s aversion to chicken pot pie has nothing to do with me, or my cooking skills- I mean for goodness sake, he didn’t even taste it! His crying has to do with something going on with him, and when I could see that it isn’t personal, it gave me an opportunity to reach out to him (after he could hear me over his screams) to offer a hug. He accepted and said “I just didn’t want any chicken tonight mom.”
So many times we do little things to show our love and affection to others, and they seem to be ill-received or not even received at all. Or, like I did, we watch someone else show their love to someone, and we try to emulate it hoping and even expecting to get the same response. The reality is other people have other thoughts, feelings and sensations going in their minds, hearts and bodies than we do. So when they react “poorly” to our efforts we have an opportunity to interpret their reaction as their form of love in that moment- the best they can do at that time.
That evening I received many gifts. Once I let go of the expectation to recreate my sister’s experience with serving chicken pot pie, I could clearly see them. I received the gift of seeing that my son chose to go to his room to cry it out rather than scream and flail on the kitchen floor in front of me. I received the gift of a new perspective from a friend. I received the gift of a hug and a clear, honest statement from my son of what he didn’t want. I received the gift of appreciation of the darn chicken pot pie from my oldest. And out of it all I received the gift of Love in its many forms.
You see, Love- True Love; it comes in all forms. Everything is made of Love, the power of Love is behind all of it. There is nothing but Love. There are just different ways to express it, and in every moment people are just doing the best they can with their version of Love at that time. When we can see the Love behind the outward expression, then we can receive True Love. Then we can share Love from that deep inner core place that Love resides. And that my friends is what it is all about.
Peace, Love and Chicken Pot Pie to you tonight,
Victoria