So I had this funny interaction the other morning after teaching what I thought was a quite fabulous yoga class. It was the fall equinox that day, and there was even a crisp feel in the air to welcome in the new season. I was quite excited to be there myself. It was a small group, and one I was not used to teaching as I was subbing for an instructor that was out of town. I got a few straight-faced looks when I told them the usual instructor was absent, but I was undaunted. I have subbed many classes before and I just don’t take it personal when people want what they are used to (many humans just seem to be naturally suspicious of change). So I jumped right in with my usual smile, and we began our breathing to get centered and begin our practice.
About 5 minutes in to the class 2 more students came in; now I should say that many yoga instructors get a bit out of sorts with this type of classroom lack of etiquette- that isn’t me though, so still I was unaffected. I smiled and welcomed them in to class. Well, as I stated before I thought I gave a fabulous yoga class, and it seemed that all of the attendees followed along well and with ease. As I ended the Savasana with a blessing and a prayer, I rolled up my mat and prepared to bid them goodbye until the next time we all would happily meet.
As I was leaving one of the attendees gave me an especially bitter look as I wished her a happy first day of autumn. I just thought maybe she was tired or stressed, I certainly didn’t think it was anything about me. But then she tartly stated “That class was a real killer without two mats!” To which I gave what I thought was the helpful advice of “you know, they actually make some mats now that are 1/2 inch thick and still a great sticky yoga mat so you don’t slip! :)” BTW-I should let you know that I am quite the literal brain… She looked at me blankly for a moment, and then stated more directly, “No, you were supposed to open the equipment closet so we could get extra mats.” I must say, I was completely surprised! Everyone had a mat, no one gave me the info that they might need a second, and I had no clue that her passive-aggressive comment about the class being a killer without a 2nd mat was meant to get me to see that I had made some mistake that I was unaware of as a substitute teacher!
Well, all I could do at that point was say, “Oh, I apologize, I didn’t know anyone needed an extra mat.” To which she curtly replied as she turned her back to me, “See ya.” And so what could I do but leave. And so I left.
Of course this interaction was one that I explored over the course of the next hour, and here is what I came up with: Communication Really is Key! And not just any old communication- direct communication is key! So many times we use angry communication (aggressive), no communication (passive), or a combo of the two-passive aggressive communication (angrily communicating nothing); and the result is always the same. We don’t get what we want or need, and on top of it, often the other person doesn’t even know how we feel!!! It just isn’t effective.
After I came to these conclusions I realized that so many times in my life I have used all sorts of inappropriate communication in the hopes that I would avoid a conflict. But the result was always the same; I was misunderstood, and I never got what I wanted or needed. Instead I wound up frustrated, irritated, feeling used, and unappreciated. One of my goals over the past few years is to learn what I want and need in life, and out of that knowledge, to communicate it clearly. It just goes so much better. When we are just direct and ask for what we need, own our feelings and express them, know our Truth and speak it; then we are more fulfilled in our lives. And on top of that, the people around us know who we are, what we feel, how they can assist us, where they stand with us… they have the information they need to choose to be a part of our lives, or not! You know when it comes down to it; either way is quite OK.
Peace, Love and Persian Miniatures to you this evening!