Sometimes I imagine myself as a superhero.  Truthfully, I always wanted, and even sorta believed that I was Wonder Woman.  I loved her.  I used to take the styrofoam wrappers from the bottoms of old-school glass soda bottles and wrap them around my wrists, fashion a cape out of the afghan from the living room, put on my Wonder Woman bathing suit, and spin endlessly in the yard until I felt dizzy and could see stars.  So is it really any surprise that I identified with the supernatural- superhero aspect of myself during my adult life experience???  One of the books recommended to me about 3 years ago was a book called The Lakota Way.  As I read it I learned about a legend of a man who had gone away from the Lakota tribe and had spread all of his power and energy all over the earth.  Because of this “spreading thin”, he was ill and beyond saving according to modern medicine.  But of course, he was instructed by his people to call back his power from all the places that he had left it.  And as he did he was healed and restored to health.

So one night as I was writing I began to think about the idea of calling back my power.  So many years had gone by in my life where my power was really just used for others.  All I did was give away my power.  I gave it to the needy, I gave it to the children,I gave it to strangers in parking lots, I gave it to friends and even those who were less than friends, I gave it to my family in all of its parts and forms.  I gave it out easily and everywhere, and I was tapped out.  Tapped out of power.  So I needed to call it back, and I did… I called it back in a whisper in public places.  I called it back in a loud and dominating voice in the car. I called it back in a slightly crazed voice with my children who weren’t listening so well at that moment.  I called it back through tears of grief and loss in the comfort of my bedroom over pages of journals and pieces of art.  I called it back so much that it became a mantra for my new life.

Today I remind myself that my power is mine to give or hang on to; whichever way I decide is best for me.  A foreign concept in a previous life.  And these days, I have since expanding my calling.   Now I call back my power.  I call back my strength.  I call back my energy.  I call back the depths of my soul from all the places in which I left it.  I call back all the parts and pieces that make me- Me.  I call back each part of me that I gave away for another’s good, not knowing I might need that part for my own mental health one day.  I call back all the pieces of me that I sent off for another’s well-being, reminding myself that I need to keep myself together first so I can serve another.  I call back each itty bitty part and parcel.  I even picture myself spinning endlessly on the top of a mountain, looking like Wonder Woman of course, reeling in my power from places unknown to everyone but me and the Divine.

The catch is, I still don’t hold on to it.  I am a vessel for power now, but truly it is not mine.  It belongs to the Master of the Universe.  It belongs to the Divine.  So I call it back and then I offer it up for God to use for glory.  I call it back cleansed, blessed and transformed for my highest and best good.  I call it back and then I give it up, but not for naught.  I give it up for good.