A number of years ago I divorced. At the time I had two small children, a preschooler and early elementary. No longer playing the role of “wife”, my focus had to shift. I am grateful everyday for the guidance that I received from a great therapist and a couple amazing mentors. Even though I was a psychotherapist myself I was in no position to see myself clearly in my grief and transition. They pointed out some things that led me to find the strength to be a parent from a place of ahimsa.

Ahimsa is a Sanskrit word for non-violence, “to do no harm, or saying it another way… choosing compassion. I learned about ahimsa through the practice and study of yoga, which began for me a few years before I even had children. Actually applying ahimsa is a life long practice that opens me up daily to new understandings and perspectives of not only others, but myself as well.
Compassion is applicable to every single part of your life. Today though, I am just focusing on one aspect- parenting.

Let me begin by saying that while being a mother is a role that I play; the way I see it, my only true “job” is to be my own unique expression of love on planet Earth and live in my joy. As a single parent responsible for two kids how do I do that? This was my conundrum.

Awhile back I was introduced to the writings of Khalil Gibran, and his words on a perspective to choose with our children really touched my soul. I find that coming back to this wisdom reminds me of my position as one who shares compassion, care, boundaries, authenticity and grace with my boys. As I watch them now as a teen and young adult, I find that these words have served me well to come back to my ahimsa to myself which sometimes looks like sharing my viewpoint and listening to theirs, or simply saying “that is not ok in my home”.  Other times it looks like holding them close while their hearts are breaking or advocating for them with those that aren’t willing to hear their views.

Finding the balance between guidance and “control” has been an interesting journey. Yet if ahimsa is how I seek to live then letting go of the idea that I can control my children or impose my opinions is part of the deal. At the same time in order to have ahimsa towards myself I must be true to what is sacred and essential for me in raising my children with integrity.

As I reflect some today I feel I have done what I can to parent in that balance and break patterns in myself that I sought to not pass on. Here is the guidance I mentioned from that ancient wisdom author:

On Children by Khalil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.