THIS IS A LITTLE PIECE I WROTE IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.  TRULY, I HAVE KIDS JUST LIKE YOU, WITH CHALLENGING DAYS JUST LIKE YOU, AND TRULY I DO HAVE THE OUTLOOK THAT WHAT WILL BE WILL BE.  ALMOST ALWAYS FOR ALL OF US, OUR LIVES DO NOT TURN OUT AS WE PLANNED, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY AREN’T GOOD.  SO READ AND LAUGH AND RELATE….

This is not at all what I had planned, but somehow still in conscious existence I stand.

Today I questioned my own validity as a mother and disciplinarian as I helplessly stood by and watched my soon to be 5 year old meltdown in the school cafeteria on orientation day. I watched in semi-amusement as other apparently happy and meltdown-free families walked by giving their version of a look… you might know the kind. Either you get a sympathetic head turn and half smile, a tsk-tsk-tsk with a shake of the head, or my favorite—the “I am appalled!” look which consists of a shocked and surprised face joined with a hurrying of their children along (so as not to have the meltdown “gene” rub off on their kids).

This is not at all what I had planned, but somehow still in conscious existence I stand.

Later in the day I had another moment of truth??? In one of my least favorite places- A “Super” store; I again watched in quiet disbelief as my almost 5 year old melted down again. This time over my refusal to purchase a “personal cooling fan”, a device that simultaneously sprays water and fans you at the touch of a button (after adding numerous size quadruple D batteries I am sure!). While I do live in Florida, and it is quite warm; I am still quietly contemplating the need to place these items in the rows of school supplies that I had to purchase. I am also contemplating my 4 year old’s fascination with the bottom rack of the cart as a place to “ride along” on the shopping experience.

This is not at all what I had planned, but somehow in conscious existence I still, still, still stand.

You know- the final straw, the one that sent me plummeting away from any sort of higher vibration occurred upon arriving home to my apartment to unload $250 worth of groceries and school supplies for myself and two boys. And truly, I must maintain, that I had spent 2 hours and 45 minutes in the black hole, battling “Warehouse Effect” and the hunt for a 3-pronged red freaking folder. So upon my arrival, I set to deliver all of my wares upstairs in the least possible number of trips (a little game I like to play with myself!), when from above I hear a blood curdling screech from my hoping-to-make-it-to-5 year old. He had unwittingly let the cat out of the house. Poor Rizutto. Soon my 8 year old was joining in the chase back and forth across the long second story balcony, only to fall on the stairs and begin shrieking in anguish over banging his shin quite badly. In the process, I dropped bags of groceries in the parking lot and began running the other direction on the bottom level, hoping to nab the escaped kitty. Somehow the bleeding 8 year old cornered the cat in all of that noise, and order was restored.

As I finally settled them down to bed tonight amidst burnt grilled cheese, piles of unfolded clean clothes, and excessive amounts of empty water cooler bottles (another story), all I could think was- This is not AT ALL what I planned, but SOMEHOW, through amazing means unknown to me, I still in conscious existence do STAND.